Elementary school teachers?
by Anna Skywalker
Summary: The boys and Zechs are teaching third-graders...Who's idea was this?! Are they TRYING to tramatize small children?!


Disclaimer: *sigh* I don't own Gundam Wing! I don't have anything against squeaky people; I just used that characteristic to set that particular character apart from the other students.

**4/18/03: Fixed grammar and other errors.**

Elementary school teachers?

"These are your new teachers," the principal said to the group of third-graders. 

 "Mr. Yuy will be your math teacher, Mr. Maxwell will teach you science, Mr. Barton is teaching P.E, Mr. Winner will teach reading, Mr. Wufei is teaching you English, and Mr. Merquise will teach history. I hope I don't see _any of you in my office on the first day. Or at all, for that matter. Now, go to class and have a good day!"_

                                     *~Heero's first class~*

The students walked in to the room, sat down at their desks, and looked up at Heero expectantly. Heero said nothing, but wrote about 30 high school-level problems on the board. 

"Do them all. You have twenty minutes." 

 A girl raised her hand. "Mr. Yuy?"

"Yes?"

"Those problems are too hard!" She squeaked. 

"No, they're not," Heero said. 

"Yes, they are," she insisted

"Omae o Korosu," said Heero monotonously, giving up the argument.

The students all looked at each other, confused. "What does _that mean?" Squeaky girl asked._

"It means, 'I'll kill you' in Japanese," said Heero as he pulled out a gun.

The kids all screamed and ran from the room as fast as they could. Heero just shrugged and started cleaning his gun.  (Which was all he got it out for in the first place).

                             *~Duo's first class~*

The same children who had just fled Heero's room walked into Duo's classroom and sat down. 

"_Hmmm_," thought Duo, "_class doesn't start for another hour!_ _Oh well…might as well get started_..."

He walked to the front of the room and grinned at his students. "Today we will be making plastic explosives!" Duo said enthusiastically.  The children all sweatdropped and looked at each other nervously as Duo passed out the materials they would be using. 

After Duo walked them through the procedures, they got started making their...projects. Suddenly a loud "BOOM" echoed through the classroom. It turned out to be a boy's explosive that had well…exploded. 

No one could see anything through the dust but they all heard Duo say, "Uh...yeah. Why don't you to help him to the nurse's office...thanks."

 When the dust had cleared somewhat, the kids could see Duo spraying the unfortunate boy's desk with a fire extinguisher. 

"Maybe we should have covered lab safety rules first," he said sheepishly. The bell rang and the 3rd graders ran from the room to their next class...P.E.

                *~Trowa's first class~*

Trowa wondered why his students looked so terrified. The tight rope was only set at about 40 feet or so...

"Mr. Barton," said a boy

"Hnn?"

"Do we _have_ to walk the tight rope?" 

"Yes."

"But…but I'm afraid of heights!" He wailed.

"Well, this is the only way to conquer your fear," Trowa said. 

Every single student walked the tight rope, and all of them fell off. About half of them had to be escorted to the nurse's office. 

"Okay…let's try something else..." said Trowa.

"What, now you're going to tell us we have to stick our hands in a lion cage?" Squeaky girl asked.

"How'd you know?" Asked Trowa, somewhat surprised that they'd guessed his lesson plan.

But the bell saved them yet again.  The remaining third-graders quickly exited the room and ran to Quatre's classroom.

                               *~Quatre's first class~*  

Quatre looked at his students and wondered why they looked so scared and out of breath. 

"Today we are going to write in our journals and share what we've written at the end of class," he said, smiling. The kids looked relived that they'd finally gotten a normal teacher.

After they'd been writing for about an hour, Quatre asked, "Who would like to share?"

"I do, Mr. Winner!" Said the same squeaky girl.

"Okay, step up to the front."

The girl skipped to the front of the room and said, "The title of my journal entry is, 'The Day My Puppy Died'" she said. (A/N: What kind of sadistic child writes about that?!)

No one noticed how wide Quatre's eyes had gotten. Until he started laughing, that is…

"Heh heh heh heh HA HA HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!" The girl stopped reading and everyone looked at Quatre, who said, "You people…you will never forget that day!!! HA HA HA HA HA!!!  You will never forget that day!!!" 

The students slowly backed away from Quatre and ran out the door once again.  They locked it behind them. 

"Nice going," said a little boy to Squeaky girl, "We finally get a teacher who doesn't try to kill us, and you go and ruin it for everyone." 

"Well," said the girl, " how was I supposed to know he was gonna go insane?"

Duo and Heero walked up when they saw all the kids in front of Quatre's classroom. "What's going on here?" Duo asked.

"Mr. Winner lost it," said a girl. "He went crazy."

"Huh? What'd you do to him?"

All the kids turned towards Squeaky girl, who nervously walked up and handed her journal to Heero. Heero read it and handed it to Duo. 

"Ummm…yeah," said Duo. "You take the kids to their next class and I'll try and get Quatre calmed down."

"Mission accepted," said Heero.

                                  *~Wufei's first class~*

 "Hurry up and sit down, bakas," said Wufei. "You have a lot of work to do." 

The kids all sat down and looked at Wufei fearfully. 

"Your first assignment is to write a ten page essay on why women are weak," he said. "You will hand it in at the end of class." They all stared at him, but no one said a word — except for the ever-troublesome Squeaky girl, of course. 

"Mr. Wufei," she said raising her hand.

"What?" 

"Ms. Po says that women are not weak," she squeaked.  

"Huh?"

"Ms. Po. She's the school nurse. I met her when I got hurt in P.E. She said women are not weak." 

Everyone was desperately trying to shut her up, but no one succeeded.

"I don't care what Sally told you, just do the essay!" Wufei said exasperatedly. 

The students all got started on the essay but few of them got past two pages.

"Weaklings!" Wufei said when they handed in their papers. "You put too many commas! Injustice!"

 They hurriedly left the room as soon as the bell rang to their next class; History 

                                        *~Zechs' first class~*

The remaining 3rd graders were now emotionally scarred for life and were extremely terrified of what lay in store for them next as they walked into Zechs' classroom.  

"Sit down," Zechs said. "Today, I'm going to lecture you on how the Earth is inferior to the Colonies." The students breathed sighs of relief and sat down

 Zechs talked for hours — even after the bell rang at 3:00. At 3:30 Heero, Duo, Trowa, a now sane Quatre, and Wufei came in and made Zechs stop his lecture and let the tormented children go home.

                                               *~Later in the teacher's lounge~*

"That was a disaster!"  Quatre said disheartedly.  "We're probably the worst teachers in all the Colonies."

"Speak for yourself," said Zechs. "They loved my lecture." Everyone rolled their eyes.

"At least they'll all have something to say when their parents ask what they did in school today," said Duo dryly as he kicked the snack machine, trying to get a candy bar to fall out.

"Yeah, and then their parents will come and get us fired," said Trowa.

"Well at least I wasn't trying to kill my students..." said Wufei, eyeing Trowa and Duo.

"Hey, how was I supposed to know that bomb was going to explode?!"  Duo said defensively

Sally laughed. "I think you guys should find another line of work."

"Yeah," said Duo, "we could go work in a hospital or a library or something!"  

Sally sweatdropped. "No, I was thinking you should work somewhere where you _won't_ get into 

Trouble..."

Please R&R!  How do you like the new, improved grammar?  I didn't realize I was so exclamation mark-happy until I revised this!  Oops, there I go again ^_^;;

A/N: Some people were wondering why Quatre went insane because of the puppy story. The answer is...I don't know either. Use your imagination. Maybe his puppy died and the story reminded him of it. Maybe it reminded him of what happened to his father.  


End file.
